DAY 12: CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE! - Part 3 Re-defining the word 'CHANGE'

REDEFINING THE WORD ‘CHANGE’.

1. Gathering information.

a. Establishing self’s allocation point – how have I have been living this word?

·         I use the word ‘change’ when I am faced with situations in my life that make me unhappy.

·         I also use this word ‘change’ when I want people in my world to remain how I want them to remain so I can be happy.

·         Also I use the ‘change’ word when I want others do or be how I want them to so I can feel proud of myself that I have control over people or situations.

·         I use this word ‘change’ also when I want to change how things appear in my environment.

·         I use the word change to push people to become more and better in their lives.

·         I use this word ‘change’ to also prevent a situation or someone from becoming worse than already is.

·         Also I use the word ‘change’ when I am making some kind of substitution or replacement of a thing or someone like changing clothes.

·         Also when I want the difference of a certain amount of money returned to me.

b.   Dictionary Definition:

·         To make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.

·         To transform or convert (usually followed by into): The witch changed the prince into a toad.

·         To substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind: She changed her shoes when she got home from the office.

·         To give and take reciprocally; interchange: to change places with someone.

·         To transfer from one (conveyance) to another: You'll have to change planes in Chicago.

·         To give or get smaller money in exchange for: to change a five-dollar bill.

·         To give or get foreign money in exchange for: to change dollars into francs.

·         To remove and replace the covering or coverings of: to change a bed; to change a baby.

c.   Sounding the word – ‘change’

 

‘cha-in’ (chain) -to hold something or someone to prevent from them escaping/transforming.

‘Pain’ –physical discomfort

‘In’ – to be locked, surrounded, immersed or enclosed by something or someone.

‘Age’ – becoming older or gaining time.

2.   Investigate the information of the word that has been gathered.

·         The word change in my world was associated with sometimes negative and sometimes a positive charge. For example, when I had to change to please others made me feel like id failed this people and hence I must change to please them, this was the negative, bad aspect I have with the word change. And the positive/good aspect is when I felt good and great, like a hero when I assisted people to change.

3.    New definition

a.   Creative writing:

·         The word ‘change’ as ‘age’: this is when one gains time and become older.

·         Change can also be: to transform oneself from one expression to another as life.

b.   Writing the definition:

 

To ‘change’ : This is to make, any and all forms, nature, content, future course, of something/self different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

DAY 11: CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE! - Part 2

SELF REALISATIONS AND SELF COMMITMENTS.

I realize that embarrassment is an indicator that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I realize that trying to control something or someone is due to fear of change.

I realize that controlling others/relationships/things/scenarios is an indicator to me that as long as I want others/relationships/things/scenarios to be and remain how I want them to be is simply me deceiving myself that I am in control and therefore I don’t need to change.

I realize that wanting to control others/relationships/things/scenarios leads me to using all tactics to try and manipulate them and thus not assisting and supporting them or myself to change and become an example of what’s best for all in actual living.

I realize that, defining myself or part of myself within something or someone outside of myself leads to me fearing losing this something or someone and thus losing myself or part of myself  and thus fearing that my world will change or collapse after this loss.

I realize that change must happen if I am to become an exemplary living principle in what best for all and that fear of change is simply an obstacle between me and the re-aligning of myself into principled living that supports all life.

Therefore:

I commit myself to stop myself whenever I react in embarrassment and investigate what it is that I am accepting and allowing myself to not change.

I commit myself to breath and stop myself whenever thoughts of not wanting to change come up within me.

I commit myself to stop myself from controlling others so that I don’t have to change.

I commit myself to investigate what it is within me that I have accepted and allowed myself not to change whenever I find myself wanting to control others.

I commit myself to not define myself in and as something or someone outside or separate from myself because I realize that, within this definitions exists the fear of loss which in turn makes me not to want to change but rather try to control everything and everyone in my world.

I commit myself to stopping myself from participating in mind games of manipulating others in a way that I can always control them and thus have them remain be and remain as want them to be, and hence not assisting me nor them to make changes that support all within the principle of what best for all.

I commit myself to change myself into becoming a living example of what’s best for all instead of making excuses that ‘change is difficult’.

I commit myself to changing myself regardless of others opinions or reactions towards me.

I commit myself to realizing that, being alone is sometimes an outcome of self-change.

I commit myself to stopping myself from participating within fear of change before or when it starts to manifest within me by breathing and remaining here as breath/life.

DAY 10: CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE! - Part 1

SELF WRITING

Some time back, I was on holiday with my partner and all my family members. At some point we went swimming at the beach but because I had a very bad cold, I couldn’t swim. I instead sat somewhere on the shore and watched the others as they swam. Suddenly I noticed women flocking and surrounding my partner and he seemed to have been enjoying the attention from this women very much.  I admit I was embarrassed by this scenario as I quickly begun thinking and imagining my other family members reactions towards this scenario as well. I began wondering what they might think about my relationship towards my partner, I feared that they would see me as a failure, a person who cannot take care of her world in terms of being in a relationship with my partner. It was also embarrassing to think what others may now think of my partner.  I felt like I had lost control over this scenario and my partner as I could not make him stop embarrassing me. After this is when I had an intense emotional breakdown and begun to cry and throw tantrums when I realized that I can’t control the scenario or my partner. I wanted to jump into the water with my clothes on and ‘kick those women’s’ asses’ (out of jelousy) but I decided not to.

The existence of embarrassment within myself only shows that I fear losing control over my relationships, I fear making changes within myself and that’s why I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to be in control of something/someone/relationships so that nothing has to change. Within this embarrassment also reveals the point that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me, the point whereby certain people have to live in my world as I want them to be so that I can make sure that I don’t have to change. Within me also exists the fact that I have gone and defined myself within certain people/situations/relationships outside myself and then I end up fearing that my world will change or collapse if I was to lose this part of myself that I have defined as myself ‘out there’ in this people/things/situations/relationships within my world.

SELF FORGIVENESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing because of what others may think of me if I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to my husband as someone that exists as separate from me and my believe thereof that if he were to go, a part of me would go too/my world will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that I would have to make if my partner stops being with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate changing myself with failure of not taking control of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who will become if I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being independent if my partner was to leave me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw tantrums when I lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate losing control over someone/something/relationship to jealousy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in jealousy towards other women when I see them seeking and getting attention from my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone because my partner stops being with me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself realize that, that which I fear losing if I change may actually be the very thing is standing in my way to self-realization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connecting self-change to the fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which I fear losing if I change is the actual thing that I may lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control something/something/my relationships to others due to the fear of changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control others through manipulation so that they remain how I want them to remain in my world so that I don’t have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed when something happens that may change others perception of me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that embarrassment is an indicator that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

 Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that, if I change, I may lose part of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing part of myself if I change’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changes in people around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘changes in the people who are around me’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how others will react if I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘how others will react if I change’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money if change was to happen in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not having money if change was to happen in my world’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that changing is difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘changing is difficult’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘I am not able to change’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changes in my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘changes in my environment’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing for I may lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘changing for I may lose control’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change as I may be seen as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘I may be seen as weak’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change as I may not be accepted by society as normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘I may not be accepted by society as normal’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change because society may attack and isolate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘society may attack and isolate me’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my family and friends will reject me if I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘family and friends will reject me’ to fear and thus - I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

DAY 9: FEAR OF DEATH PRISON - Part 5 The word 'DEATH' Re-defined

REDEFINING THE WORD ‘DEATH’:

1. Gathering information:

a.   Establishing self’s allocation point – how I have been living this word.

 

·         I see death as loss of life

·         I associate death with a lot of pain when I ‘lose’ loved ones to death or when others ‘lose’ a loved one to death still erupts a lot of pain in me.

·         Whenever I heard of death, immediately immense fear was manifesting within me as I feared losing myself when I die and also losing all my relationships to others or possessions.

·         Death also acts as a reminder to me that I have not actually lived to even consider dying.

DEATH (-ve charged word)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word‘death with a negative charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word‘death’ as negative, bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word ‘death as negative, bad.

b.   Dictionary Definition:

·         A permanent cessation of all vital functions: the end of life

·         The action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism

·         An instance of dying <a disease causing many deaths>The cause or occasion of loss of life <drinking was the death of him>b: a cause of ruin <the slander that was death to my character.

·         The destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

·         The state of being dead

·         The passing or destruction of something inanimate <the death of vaudeville>b:extinction

·         The lie of life in matter : that which is unreal and untrue

c.   Sounding the word.

‘de – earth’

‘Death – the earth – returning to the earth.’

‘dare -  th (dare-thee)’.

2.   Investigating the information of the word that has been gathered

 

The word death to me is bad/negative as it is a reminder of losing family and friends. I associate the word death with immense fear as I fear my own death because I think I will cease to exist when I die, or that death is a painful experience and not knowing what will happen to me after I die makes my experience of this word even worse as it generates lots of fear within me.

 

3.    New definition

a.   Creative writing.

De-earth- the earth - to earth something or someone/to return to the earth

 

b.   Writing the NEW definition:

This when a life form changes the state it currently exists within into a new one/new state.

DAY 8: MY FEAR OF DEATH PRISON - Part 4

SELF REALIZATIONS AND SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS.

I realize that the only purpose of fear (including my fear of loss when I die) is to make sure that, I don’t realize who I am as life as all as one as equal as myself and live.

I realize that fear of loss through death is useless, ineffective and irrelevant and will not protect nor help me, and that it merely makes me suffer as I exist within it.

I realize that I cannot lose anything as who I am as life encompasses and includes all that there is as one as equal as all as myself, even death.

I realize that fear of loss exists within and as myself as a consequence of my very starting point that is the eminent desire within me of wanting to hold onto what I have created (Through my acceptance and allowance) through the fear of losing it.

I realize that if I continue existing within and as the fear of loss, I will actually lose that what I have created and fear losing.

I realize that all forms of fear including my fear of loss in regards to death, come from me hiding from myself, from dishonesty and that if I live without hiding from myself, absolutely clear, open, in what’s best for all: NO FEAR EXISTS(and this is how and where constant bliss exists)- nothing to hide, no secrets. This is the reward of self-honesty.

Therefore,

I commit myself to no longer exist within and as the fear of loss (even after death)

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to create and live as the starting point of the fear of loss.

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within the fear of death as the fear of loss (regards to what I shall lose when I die).

I commit myself to embracing the fear of loss through death, and stand equal and one to and as  this fear of loss through death and from within this fear, stand up.

I commit myself to just laugh (as this is something my mind does not expect) as laughing will assist within breaking the hold fear of loss through death has over me, ie I simply laugh at myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the useless fear of loss through death.

I commit myself to standing up within and as my fear of loss through death because I realize that all that this fear does is control me and that if I stand up within and as this fear I will become one and equal to and as this fear and hence can and will direct and control me/myself.

DAY 7: MY FEAR OF DEATH PRISON - Part 3

SELF FORGIVENESS ON FEAR OF DEATH IN REGARDS TO FEAR OF LOSS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing myself’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear of losing myself exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will lose myself in death and within this implying that I am able to get ‘’lost’’. Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible for me to ‘be lost’ in death, within the realization that I am here always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself when I die/after death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing myself when I die/after death’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my family and friends after death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing my family and friends after death’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all my memories after death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing all my memories after death’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all my earthly my possessions when I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing all my possessions when I die’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the relationship I have towards my husband when I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing the relationship I have towards my husband when I die’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the physical when I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing the physical when I die’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control of myself when I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing control of myself when I die’ to fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

......continued in Day 8.................SELF REALIZATIONS AND SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS.

DAY 6: MY FEAR OF DEATH PRISON - Part 2

SELF REALIZATIONS AND CORRECTIVE STATEMENTS/COMMITMENTS IN REGARDS TO FEAR OF DEATH.

I realize that death is a certain point that I must come across eventually, naturally at some point in time and therefore choosing to live in constant continuous fear of death for the remainder of my life is completely useless and irrelevant.

I realize that, when thoughts of distress come up within my mind, thoughts of danger or impending danger or the manifestation of whatever form of pain, I immediately react in fear by going into details of how this different scenarios can lead to me dying; instead of realizing that this fear is not real and that it will not help me in any way whatsoever in facing, handling and taking responsibility for what’s really happening in my world.

I realize that thoughts of death and the actual manifestation of death, act as a trigger points of my experience towards the fear of death.

I realize that I fear death because of the fear of losing myself as the things that I have defined within and as myself.

I realize that death does not exist but rather what dies, and must die is the picture of myself in and as this world, what dies is my physical body and that who I am exists beyond death.

I realize that I fear death because I judge death as something bad, something painful, something barbaric/awful, something harmful, something that causes a lot of pain and harm and as something that shouldn’t exist. I realize that this is just me judging and fearing myself as the death of myself as a mind consciousness system.

I realize that my experience of myself as the fear of death is an experience out of my stupidity and that judgment is the act of stupidity where I act on my stupid fear of death.

I realize that fear of death is ineffective and irrelevant even when death manifests in my world in whatever way.

I realize that fear, including fear of death, only distracts me from what’s really happening in my reality and distorts my ability of taking responsibility for it.

Therefore,

I commit myself to living as the freedom of expression as who I am in every moment of every breath free from the fear of death.

I commit myself to stopping myself from participating in thoughts about death by reacting to them in fear and instead will take responsibility for such thoughts as they come in moment by moment, breath by breath to ensure that I stop this reactions towards this thoughts every time they come up in my mind.

I commit myself to stop myself from fearing death for I know and realize that death is inevitable.

I commit myself to stopping myself from defining myself in and as the things I will miss in this world when I die.

I commit myself to walk in as the realization that, who I have become as a picture presentation, a defined object, a mind system as what I have accepted and allowed when I became separate from myself, must die in order for me to step forth as the birth of myself as life as one as equal as all here in as the physical.

I commit myself to stop judging death in whatever way e.g. as something bad, something painful, something barbaric/awful, something harmful, something that causes a lot of pain and harm and as something that shouldn’t exist, as this only perpetuates my experience of fear towards death.

I commit myself to taking responsibility for what’s happening in my reality instead of allowing the fear of death to distract me.

I commit myself to not reacting in fear when I see death happening in my world.

I commit myself to stopping the thoughts that act as trigger points of the fear of death within me, through breathing and remaining here in every moment of breath.

........to continue in Day 7......

......SELF FORGIVENESS ON FEAR OF DEATH IN REGARDS TO FEAR OF LOSS.