Today, as I was cleaning the kitchen, my daughter was there
with me and she was quite active as well, touching anything and everything. I
did not want her to touch dirty stuff that I had not cleaned yet. She was
literally all over and interfering with my movements as I worked and so I took
her out of the kitchen and locked her in the living room. I could still see her
from the kitchen as we have glass doors and glass windows separating the living
room and the dining room. She was gently hitting/slapping the door while crying
for my attention. I really had to finish my chores before tending to her. Just
looking at her, kneeling and crying near the door, I immediately felt guilty
that I had wronged her by locking here in there. And so I went and held her out
of my guilt. I felt guilt for living her alone and I had this imagination that
she will think I am a bad person/mother for locking her up in the living room.
This way I was protecting my mother-daughter relationship so that my daughter
can like me.
SELF-FORGIVENESS
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
have guilt exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate within and as guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that guilt is real or that guilt actually exists.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
connect locking my child in the living room to guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
perceive locking my child in the living room as wrong which lead me to the
point of generating guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
exist within the polarity of right and wrong.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself
to realize that for me to fulfill my duties properly and to protect my child
from a possibility of germ infection, I had to put her in the living room and
this is simply a point of responsibility and common sense and not guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
value self-interest within and as the relationship I have formed with my
daughter, valuing it as more important than what’s best for all, whereby I go
into guilt when I don’t do what’s best for my mother daughter relationship.
From within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted
and allowed myself to realize that, my guilt was out of self-interest, self-dishonesty
whereby I do what’s best for my relationship in self-interest instead of what’s
best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
connect locking my child in the living room to it being a bad act depicting a
bad mother which led me into feeling guilty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
imagine that my child will see me as a bad mother/ bad parent for locking her up in the
living room and out of this, I went into guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
have guilt direct who I am whereby, I accepted and allowed guilt to drive my
decision of taking my child into my arms and soothing her so that she can like
me again as her mother and I can feel better within and as who I am as my relationship
to my child.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
abdicate my self-responsibility to who I am as directive principle within
living, to my mind within and as guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use
guilt to manipulate my child into liking me by seeing me as a good mother that
cares for her when she cried and I took her.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize and understand that, who I am within and as guilt is what also
my child is learning to be and become instead of teaching my child to
become/stand within and as life through my very own living as an example of
what it actually is to stand as life within and as a living principle of what’s
best for all in equality and oneness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
manipulate the stability of who I am within and as my physical body to guilt.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
be manipulated into guilt by my child’s crying. From within this, I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as a point of learning
how to manipulate others, where my child
could learn that she could manipulate me by crying.
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