Day 56: MY REACTIONS TO BERNARD POOLMAN’S DEATH - Part 4

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS Continued....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my anger on another/Bernard’s death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought that he ‘did not consider the outcome/consequences of his death, will have on the whole of existence’s process, individually and collectively’, to anger.

I realize that, I am only angry towards myself for never considering how my actions, my way of living is actually impacting on all life including my physical body. From within my writing in this blog, it is clear to me that, even at death, Bernard stood for what’s best for all, therefore the outcome would be also what’s best for all life. Hence, me thinking that he did not consider the impact of his death on all life is simple a point of blame, a point of judgment, a point of self sabotage/manipulation whereby, I blame myself for my lack of consideration for others, I judge myself for living in ways that glorify only my self-interest, I judge myself by judging others because what I judge in others is what I judge myself with also considering the fact that others are myself and in the end, I only end up sabotaging myself and my process of becoming the living example of the life principle as that which is best for all just like Bernard  lived.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to instead of reacting in anger whenever I am faced with a certain event, to breath and stop the anger immediately and investigate within myself what is that I accept and allow myself to participate within and as that leads me to reacting in anger/generating anger and from here, apply self-forgiveness and through my commitments, change who I exist within and as anger to a stable, self-aware, self-directive, self-responsible being through my very way of living, moment by moment, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment for not having utilized the opportunity I had with Bernard being here i.e. having more chats with him. I realize that, this disappointment is originating from a point of regret within me whereby, I don’t live myself to my utmost potential and that, this is a point I must walk until I embody utmost consistency. I also realize that, the chats I had with Bernard were what I could do directly with him at a given time because he also had many others who needed his support as well hence, there’s absolutely no need for me to connect my disappointment and regret to him while it’s all directed to me all along. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in disappointment and regret of not living my utmost potential instead of standing up from this disappointment and regret and assisting and supporting myself to stand up and take responsibility for myself/my life and not wait for others to do this for me.

I thus commit myself to assist and support myself to stand up/will myself from disappointment and regret to taking an active role in self-responsibility whereby, I direct my life as a principle of what’s best for all and that I will not wait for anything or anyone to do this for me for I know in certainty that nothing and no one can take responsibility for me. Only ‘eye’ can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to the thought that I now will never meet Bernard in person for I realize that, the opportunity of meeting him in person, face to face is gone and this is a fact and hence there is no need for me to react to this is sadness. It is what it is. I also realize that, Bernard as flesh may not be here but who he really was and stood for and as as living principle of and as life in equality and oneness is still Here still living, still life that I must re-unite with in equality and oneness within and as the very principle he is as well. Therefore,

I commit myself to assist and support myself to whenever I find myself drifting into sadness because of not having the opportunity to meet Bernard in person, I shall Breath and stop myself from participating within this reaction of sadness fro I realize that, as long as I am always living Here in and as awareness as my very own physical breath in my physical body, moment by moment living as the directive principle as that which is best for all in equality and oneness, then in each moment, I shall be ‘meeting’ Bernard, me as living principle, meets Bernard as living principle of life in equality and oneness. Here, there is no loss, just different expressions.

I shall in the blogs to come face the anxiety point within me in more details. I shall look at the fears that I accumulate/have accumulated over time that result in a momentary possession in the form of an anxiety attack.