DAY 62 WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 4

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS Continued....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through and as whining/nagging, manipulate situations, people in my world hence manipulating myself so as not to face what is here in a given moment of breath and take responsibility for it.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop manipulating others through whining so that I can have others take responsibility for me and also so that I can get others to agree to my reasons for whining so that they can agree with me and make me feel better about myself within and as my reasons and opinions as to why I will not take self-responsibility. I see, realize and understand that, the only one that I manipulate through whining is myself, whereby I create reasons and justifications/excuses as to why I should and will not take self-responsibility for my world and that is within and as it. This not only is self-dishonest but also ensures that I remain in my whining character where I will blame others for why I am not being self-responsible. So I now commit myself to stop this character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to alter the stability of myself within and as my physical body when I go into whining and nagging about a point/situation that I am facing in a particular moment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to always ensure that I am stable within and as my physical body by being here in as awareness of and as breath. Whenever I find myself participating within my mind formulating opinions/ideas/excuses/justifications, I shall stop and breath to bring myself back to stability for a see, realize and understand, that the moment I participate in whining/nagging, this is an indication that I am busy participating in my mind and not in physical reality where my stability exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the physical consequence of sciatica pain down my left leg through my repetitive whining/nagging character.

I commit myself to stop participating in nagging/whining so that I can put an end to this perception I have about myself as a whining character for not only do I limit myself by only perceiving myself as this character but also I inflict a lot of pain for my physical body for I realize t5hat, my body is a living being, fully aware of itself as myself and hence capable of feeling pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whine in the mornings after I become so emotionally energized by a very small thing like my child’s dirty smells diaper.

I forgive myself that haven’t seen realized and understood that, in the mornings, right at the moment of waking up, my mind becomes so energized as it wakes up, and so through my participation within and as it also experience this rush of energy throughout my body from within which and as, I whine/nag.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen, realized and understood how I generate and react within and as anger from this energy rush depending on the thing that sets me off in the morning, and from there, I nag/whine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically in the mornings whine in anger. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as an automated pattern not stopping for once to question why it is that I am so emotional in the mornings hence my nagging.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take note/to investigate this automated reactions that are so subtle and that I tend to realize too late, long after I have participated.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, whenever I find myself about to participate within my mind in thoughts, imaginations, backchats, and or reactions/whining/nagging, I shall immediately breath and stop myself from participating within  such mind games for I realize that, my participation within my mind only sabotages my opportunity to take responsibility for myself in and as my world in the immediacy of breath which will lead to an accumulation of physical consequences that will only make the process of birthing myself as life from the physical longer and uncomfortable.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to apply self-honesty and understand how it is that my mind really functions in the mornings and pay close attention to all the points that I participate within and as be it thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions, identify the patterns, write them down and apply self-forgiveness accordingly on each point and commit myself to stop all the patterns identified so that I can/will completely stand and direct this point of nagging/whining and eventually die/cease to exist as this point of nagging/whining for I realize that it doesn’t support who I am within and as the equality and oneness of and as life.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, in the mornings when I wake up, take a deep breath and establish my point of stability within and as breathe within and as my physical body, and from Here, move/direct myself moment by moment throughout the day for I realize that, if I do not stand for myself as life and direct me in each moment of breath, the only other part of myself that will do this for me is the mind and I as mind only make decisions in self-interest not considering all life as equal and one and this is dishonoring all life as myself.

DAY 63 WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 5

DAY 61 WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 3

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS Continued....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my partner as a punch bag/as a point of blame for myself dishonesty in not wanting to take self-responsibility for my world whereby I blame him for not doing things my way and that it is from this that I whine and nag in anger. I realize that, my partner/another has nothing to do with my whining/nagging. This is entirely my own creation that I have participated within through accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself/to not take self-responsibility for my world/reality and that, the point of blame is actual self-manipulation where I want another to do things my way so that I can cover up my whining and nagging.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop blaming others for my self-dishonesty. I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop manipulating myself by manipulating others to do things my way so I feel good and don’t have to take any responsibility for my world or my whining/nagging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with another from the starting point of energy within and as whining/nagging in anger, whereby I use my mind to reason and justify why it is that I am not and will not take responsibility for a task/situation at hand, for I realize that, from within my minds reasoning and justification, I cannot be able to see physical reality as the point/task/situation I am faced with and take responsibility for it.

I therefore commit myself to assist and support myself to stop using my mind to create reasons and justifications as to why I am not taking responsibility for myself and my world in any given moment, instantly and not go into whining/nagging. From within this as well, I commit myself to assist and support myself to, whenever I am faced by a task/responsibility/point/situation/scenario, I shall from within and as breath move myself and take immediate responsibility for that point/situation/scenario/task for I have realized that it is from within waiting or postponing the task that I come up with all sorts of excuses and justifications for why I will not face responsibility which in turn leads me to whining/nagging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a crutch to lean on, within and as my opinions/reasons/justifications to support me in finding a way out of taking self-responsibility whereby, I whine/nag using these opinions, reasons, justifications so that I can win the battle of not taking self-responsibility and hence feel better about myself in/as my mind. I now realize that, this nagging problem that I have is due to not taking immediate responsibility for myself and my world e.g. stopping participation within my mind in and as this opinions/reasons/justifications which I then use to whine/nag and ‘win’ my way out of taking immediate responsibility for a physical point that I am facing in a given moment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop using my mind as a crutch to lean on and instead lean on myself for support and assistance in walking a point/task all the way till its done. I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop creating reasons/opinions/justifications as why I am not able to fulfill a task at hand, that, instead of going into justifications, I shall breath and from within the immediacy of breathe, move myself and complete the task at hand for I realize that this is the only way I can truly stop whine and nagging and finally get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity myself trough whining/nagging/complaining whereby, I formulate the idea that I am apparently weak and incapable of taking responsibility for self, thus, I complain/whine/nag at others so that they can complement/support this point of mine where I say I am incapable of taking responsibility for myself, by them agreeing to my opinions/justifications that I bring forth through nagging, and from them agreeing indicates to me that they pity me as well which in turn makes me feel better in my mind as an incapable person who can’t be self-responsible.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop pitying myself, to stop feeling sorry for myself that I am incapable/weak of taking responsibility for myself for I realize that, it is only in my that I perceive myself to be incapable of taking self-responsibility, whereas in reality, I am

perfectly capable of taking self-responsibility. I also realize and understand that, it is through these opinions/reasons/justifications I have created about myself as myself that actually hinder/stop me from being self-responsible and that if I stop living as opinions/reasons/justifications and actually live only in and as the physical, directing my physical reality in my every movement in my every moment of breath and that which is best for all, this way I am perfectly capable of taking responsibility for myself in immediacy beyond doubt. From within this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop creating and or participating within and as opinions/reasons/justifications and actually focus only on what is physically here in any given moment and from here, move myself as directive principle and take self-responsibility of whatever it is that I am facing considering what’s best for all.

DAY 62 WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 4

DAY 60: WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 2

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND COMMITMENT STATEMENTS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as whining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of why another person did not change her diaper the previous night before bed to whining/nagging

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the thought why another person did not change her/the baby diaper the previous night, before bed that triggered an excuse for nagging/whining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my child’s dirty diaper by nagging/whining about it instead of just breathing and changing her.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to whenever I find myself about to start nagging/whining when I am faced by a point of responsibility, I shall stop and breathe and will not allow myself to go into/participate within nagging/whining. For I realize that, nagging/whining about a dirty diaper will not make any difference because finally I had to be changed. So using it as an excuse to whine was simply self-manipulation whereby, I used the situation of a dirty dipper to nag and blame the other for the dirty diaper so that I won’t have to take responsibility for it because I felt too defeated, too lazy to do it and so whining would be the best option for me to use to get another person to do it or simply nag so I can win and feel superior over another.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to breath and stop myself from participating within thoughts that lead me to whining e.g. why another person did not change her/the baby diaper the previous night, before bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the backchats/internal conversations of if I don’t ask it will not be done, must I be the only person catering for the baby around here from within which I went into whining/nagging in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought of why another person did not change the baby’s diaper the previous night to the backchats of if I don’t ask it will not be done, must I be the only person catering for the baby around here which I then used as an excuse to go into whining/nagging in anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as nagging/whining in anger to the backchats of if I don’t ask it will not be done, must I be the only person catering for the baby around here.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop and breath whenever I find myself participating within these backchats of if I don’t ask it will not be done, must I be the only person catering for the baby around here for I see/realize that, it is from within and as backchats that I go into anger and nagging/whining in anger. I also realize that, these backchats are just excuses that I use to sabotage the real physical opportunity that bears/contains the decisions to take self-responsibility for my life by living within and as the principle of that which is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that, the only way I can avoid going into whining/nagging in anger and the possession thereof, is by actually taking responsibility for any given scenario through directing it effectively from the starting point of what’s best for all, that, nagging and whining is an indication of self-dishonesty and an escape mechanism to not wanting to take responsibility for something there and then instead of waiting or blaming others or manipulating others to do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a routine of whining/nagging in the morning over the slightest of things that are not aligned to my liking. I realize that, this is self-interest when I just want things to be how I like them to be without considering all life equally and consider only that which is best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, if and when I wake up every morning, the first thing I shall do is check the stability of who I am within and as my physical body within and as the awareness of breath, check where I am, that if I am in my mind, I shall immediately breath and bring myself back to the awareness of me HERE within and as the stability of my physical body, and once I ensure that I am completely here/stable in and the awareness of me as breath, then I shall move myself and direct my day accordingly, moment by moment, breath by breath considering only that which is best for all and not what I want/like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to alter the stability of my physical body and the stability of other bodies because of my whining/nagging whereby I end up creating an uncomfortable environment both for myself and others as myself. I realize that, there’s absolutely no reason or justification as to why I should go into whining/nagging other than self-dishonesty as the point of not wanting to take self-responsibility and thus,

I commit myself to assist and support myself to not allow myself to participate within whining/nagging but to rather use common sense and face myself through self-honesty and take self-responsibility, thus creating a harmonious co-existence with those that I am living with, myself and existence as a whole.

DAY 61 WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 3

DAY 59: WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 1

Today when I woke up in the morning next to my child, I could smell and tell that her diaper was full already and needed to be changed immediately. The smell of her diaper triggered a thought of why another person did not change her diaper the previous night, before bed. Soon after, I went into backchats like if I don’t ask it will not be done, must I be the only person catering for the baby around here. Then I went into anger reaction.

I have become aware that, almost every day in the mornings, I am usually cranky and whiny, I look for anything in my environment which is not as I want it to be and use it to fire complaints at my partner, blaming him for not aligning things to my ‘liking’. Not only do I make my partner unstable, I also use him as an excuse to not take responsibility for my world through blame. This also makes it difficult to really communicate with each other in a stable common sensical way.

Question to Sunette: A few days ago, I experienced sciatica pain in my left leg and this was the feedback I got from Sunette:

 ‘Carolyne, the sciatica pain - left, here looking at depending too much on your emotions/memories for support, like using the mind as a crutch to 'lean on / make yourself feel better' - have a look at the tendency to do this, primarily comes from a tendency to give up/give in - complain/self-pitying/depression/feeling low things like that, so manipulating things instead of remaining stable and finding solutions’

From within the above statement are facts of what I have been accepting and allowing that lead me to having the sciatica pain down my left leg. So, I decided to investigate further within myself where my whining character sprouted from.  

I have this tendency of reacting in anger even at the slightest situation especially when something is asked of me. This reaction has become so automated within my mind that I have just accepted it as myself. It sometimes is so subtle that I even do not notice that I have actually reacted in anger until after the reaction has passed. I realized this and so decided to investigate within myself. What I found so interesting about this part of me is that, I have almost completely accepted and allowed it to completely take over the moments when I must respond to someone. I simply respond in anger and whining/nagging no matter how slight it is. I feel it within the change in my voice tonality when it becomes heightened and louder, my facial expression where my upper and lower face ‘gringe/fold’ towards each other, sometimes I click with my tongue, sometimes my heart rate increases especially when I respond in extreme anger and lots of nagging and my body starts to shake/tremble as well, then I whine and whine and whine some more and blame the other person for making me react and feel how I feel.

I manipulate others up until a point where they must accept that they are the reason for my whining so that I can feel better through justifying my reasons for nagging. I play victim always to a scenario and most of the times, I manipulate others through nagging until they accept that they are the reason for my nagging which is actually manipulating others so that they can help me manipulate myself so as not to take self-responsibility for what it is that I accept and allow. In this way, I play victim of my very own self-deception.

Another point why I nag/whine is fear. I fear losing my power and control over being right and others being wrong. So I nag to defend the idea of who I am, I nag to defend the opinion that I have become and because I fear losing this idea/opinion/perception of myself, I will defend it through nagging/whining.

Another interesting point is that, I am addicted to this whiny nature of me as me. It’s like looking for those small things/situations in my environment that are not aligned to my liking and from here; I use it as an excuse to nag/whine instead of taking responsibility. I found out that, I actually thrive by creating these conflicting situations, nag about them and ensure that I come out victorious. This is actually a mental addiction that has become my very own personality character.

So I really must now stop this whining and take responsibility for what it is that I am accepting and allowing and how I not only harm myself but others as well.

DAY 60: WHINING/NAGGING WOMAN - Part 2

DAY 58: FACING GUILT - Part 2

SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

I commit myself to, when and as I find myself about to participate in guilt, I shall breathe and stop myself from participation for I realize that, guilt is not who I am but it’s my self-dishonest point whereby I want to defend and keep existing within and as my self-interest in the form of a mother-daughter relationship.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to consider only what’s best for all and not self-interest as a way of glorifying myself or making myself feel better or protecting my relationships for I realize that, what’s best for all is best for me.

I realize that, when I go into guilt e.g. when I went into guilt after locking my child in the living room so I could finish my chores was absolutely not necessary. Looking at this scenario in common sense, I see, realize and understand that I needed to do that not only so that I can finish my chores on time but to also protect my child from touching all the dirt that I am busy cleaning so we don’t risk an infection. Within this, guilt was just self-sabotage from standing within and as my decision to do what I did. Therefore, I commit myself to assist and support myself to always stand absolute within my decision of who I am within any given moment of breath as I stand, direct and live that which is best for all and that I will not allow guilt to take over me as the decision.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to not let guilt dictate who I am as a parent for I see and realize that who I am as a parent is here as directive principle, living in an exemplary way for my child, showing through living that which best for all for this is the only way that my child will become an exemplary being who stands for what’s best for all as Life.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to not allow my child’s change in expression e.g. crying and whining to affect/change the decision/the stand of who I am in any given moment for I realize that, her expression at a given moment is a way for the child to communicate to me and I can simply respond or choose not to respond to the communication in a given moment depending on the situation in consideration of what’s best for all. Therefore, I shall not go into guilt because of this for this will not only indicate a point of self-manipulation but will also be a point that my child can learn to use to manipulate me into guilt and submission, making her a manipulating self-interested inconsiderate being that will not consider all life as equal and one and stand for what’s best for all. As a parent I am responsible for what/how/when my child learns.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to no longer use mind games e.g. guilt to manipulate my child into liking me by playing the character of a good mother to her making myself more than who I really am as life for I see/ realize that, my child and I are equals and one within and as life and therefore, I don’t have to change who I am to be liked by her because doing so would signify a point of inequality whereby I use her to glorify myself and remain in my character of wanting to be liked because this makes me feel special and more than another.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop abdicating my self-responsibility to my mind.

DAY 57: FACING GUILT - Part 1



Today, as I was cleaning the kitchen, my daughter was there with me and she was quite active as well, touching anything and everything. I did not want her to touch dirty stuff that I had not cleaned yet. She was literally all over and interfering with my movements as I worked and so I took her out of the kitchen and locked her in the living room. I could still see her from the kitchen as we have glass doors and glass windows separating the living room and the dining room. She was gently hitting/slapping the door while crying for my attention. I really had to finish my chores before tending to her. Just looking at her, kneeling and crying near the door, I immediately felt guilty that I had wronged her by locking here in there. And so I went and held her out of my guilt. I felt guilt for living her alone and I had this imagination that she will think I am a bad person/mother for locking her up in the living room. This way I was protecting my mother-daughter relationship so that my daughter can like me.

SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have guilt exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that guilt is real or that guilt actually exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect locking my child in the living room to guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive locking my child in the living room as wrong which lead me to the point of generating guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the polarity of right and wrong.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that for me to fulfill my duties properly and to protect my child from a possibility of germ infection, I had to put her in the living room and this is simply a point of responsibility and common sense and not guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value self-interest within and as the relationship I have formed with my daughter, valuing it as more important than what’s best for all, whereby I go into guilt when I don’t do what’s best for my mother daughter relationship.

From within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that, my guilt was out of self-interest, self-dishonesty whereby I do what’s best for my relationship in self-interest instead of what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect locking my child in the living room to it being a bad act depicting a bad mother which led me into feeling guilty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my child will see me as a bad mother/ bad parent for locking her up in the living room and out of this, I went into guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have guilt direct who I am whereby, I accepted and allowed guilt to drive my decision of taking my child into my arms and soothing her so that she can like me again as her mother and I can feel better within and as who I am as my relationship to my child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility to who I am as directive principle within living, to my mind within and as guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use guilt to manipulate my child into liking me by seeing me as a good mother that cares for her when she cried and I took her.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, who I am within and as guilt is what also my child is learning to be and become instead of teaching my child to become/stand within and as life through my very own living as an example of what it actually is to stand as life within and as a living principle of what’s best for all in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate the stability of who I am within and as my physical body to guilt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated into guilt by my child’s crying. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as a point of learning how to manipulate others,  where my child could learn that she could manipulate me by crying.

DAY 58: FACING GUILT - Part 2

Day 56: MY REACTIONS TO BERNARD POOLMAN’S DEATH - Part 4

SELF-FORGIVENESS AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS Continued....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my anger on another/Bernard’s death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the thought that he ‘did not consider the outcome/consequences of his death, will have on the whole of existence’s process, individually and collectively’, to anger.

I realize that, I am only angry towards myself for never considering how my actions, my way of living is actually impacting on all life including my physical body. From within my writing in this blog, it is clear to me that, even at death, Bernard stood for what’s best for all, therefore the outcome would be also what’s best for all life. Hence, me thinking that he did not consider the impact of his death on all life is simple a point of blame, a point of judgment, a point of self sabotage/manipulation whereby, I blame myself for my lack of consideration for others, I judge myself for living in ways that glorify only my self-interest, I judge myself by judging others because what I judge in others is what I judge myself with also considering the fact that others are myself and in the end, I only end up sabotaging myself and my process of becoming the living example of the life principle as that which is best for all just like Bernard  lived.

Thus, I commit myself to assist and support myself to instead of reacting in anger whenever I am faced with a certain event, to breath and stop the anger immediately and investigate within myself what is that I accept and allow myself to participate within and as that leads me to reacting in anger/generating anger and from here, apply self-forgiveness and through my commitments, change who I exist within and as anger to a stable, self-aware, self-directive, self-responsible being through my very way of living, moment by moment, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in disappointment for not having utilized the opportunity I had with Bernard being here i.e. having more chats with him. I realize that, this disappointment is originating from a point of regret within me whereby, I don’t live myself to my utmost potential and that, this is a point I must walk until I embody utmost consistency. I also realize that, the chats I had with Bernard were what I could do directly with him at a given time because he also had many others who needed his support as well hence, there’s absolutely no need for me to connect my disappointment and regret to him while it’s all directed to me all along. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in disappointment and regret of not living my utmost potential instead of standing up from this disappointment and regret and assisting and supporting myself to stand up and take responsibility for myself/my life and not wait for others to do this for me.

I thus commit myself to assist and support myself to stand up/will myself from disappointment and regret to taking an active role in self-responsibility whereby, I direct my life as a principle of what’s best for all and that I will not wait for anything or anyone to do this for me for I know in certainty that nothing and no one can take responsibility for me. Only ‘eye’ can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in sadness to the thought that I now will never meet Bernard in person for I realize that, the opportunity of meeting him in person, face to face is gone and this is a fact and hence there is no need for me to react to this is sadness. It is what it is. I also realize that, Bernard as flesh may not be here but who he really was and stood for and as as living principle of and as life in equality and oneness is still Here still living, still life that I must re-unite with in equality and oneness within and as the very principle he is as well. Therefore,

I commit myself to assist and support myself to whenever I find myself drifting into sadness because of not having the opportunity to meet Bernard in person, I shall Breath and stop myself from participating within this reaction of sadness fro I realize that, as long as I am always living Here in and as awareness as my very own physical breath in my physical body, moment by moment living as the directive principle as that which is best for all in equality and oneness, then in each moment, I shall be ‘meeting’ Bernard, me as living principle, meets Bernard as living principle of life in equality and oneness. Here, there is no loss, just different expressions.

I shall in the blogs to come face the anxiety point within me in more details. I shall look at the fears that I accumulate/have accumulated over time that result in a momentary possession in the form of an anxiety attack.