Day 30 - ANGER IS TOWARDS SELF - Part 1

SEFF-WRITTING

I had a doctor’s appointment on this day from which I planned to go a little shopping. And so, off I went to the shopping mall with my daughter. Once inside, I begun the usual shopping stuff like checking out the clothes I like, then go try them on and see if they fit me properly. There were quite a number of people inside shopping the mall as well. My daughter was crying but I did not really pay much attention, just kept asking her to allow me to shop and then tend to her afterwards, she did not stop and so I picked her up from her stroller, kissed her and reassured her that am here with her. So I finished picking all that I needed and headed to the changing room and there is when I noticed my purse was missing. I did panic because in my purse was some cash, my phone, ID card, health insurance cards, GA etc. a lady close by having noticed that I was curiously looking for something asked me what was the matter and I told her that someone must have stolen my purse. I borrowed her phone to call mine and it went straight to voice mail, that when I knew for sure that this was an act of theft.

I almost begun to cry when I imagined the whole process am gonna go through to get all the necessary things back. I was a confused mess, I was angry at/towards the thief. My daughter was crying even louder and this agitated me even more and I found myself shouting at her asking her to stop crying and that her crying is what cost me my purse (I presumed that when I picked her up as she cried is when my purse was stolen because I put all my attention on her and not the stroller where my purse was), so I blame her as well. I immediately went out of the shopping mall, crossed the road and went straight to the Swisscom (my mobile phone contractor) shop to check if they can help me switch off/disable the phone and then track it. While inside I waited for my turn and as I explained what had just happened, I burst out crying as I released my anger through crying. The Swisscom man explained to me what can and cannot be done and so afterwards, I went straight home. As I walked home, I had calmed and stabilized myself through breathing and a little crying.

 I kept thinking of how stupid I was not paying close attention and guarding my belongings/purse. I felt bad that now I have to spend money to buy a new phone, which was currently not in our budget and that this phone money would have assisted us fulfill other important needs. I imagined how it would have been better to have just gone home straight from the doctor’s appointment. I also imagined that if I had bought a certain face cream that I wanted to buy after coming from the doctor, then I would have had less cash stolen. I was like ‘I should have just stuck to my plan of buying the face cream instead of changing the plan for later’. I had back chats like, ‘I hope the thief just takes the money, phone and returns my IDs, this thief has really pissed me off! I could kick his ass`. Memories of what it took last time to get my important cards and IDs also flooded my mind and I got agitated as it was time consuming and coasted little money, I did not want to go through the whole process again.
So from within all this, I clearly see that anger exists within and as who I am/me/myself. That my purse being stolen was the trigger point of my reaction in/as anger. That in the moment when I realized that my purse had been stolen, instead of breathing and remaining here and clearly access the situation and plan then on how to go about it, I instead chose to exist with and as anger where I physically manifested this anger through outbursts, my body physically shaking and crying. I see how I blamed others (my daughter and the thief) for my anger while they had nothing to do with it and that this anger has always existed within me towards me as me and that the incident was just to show me that I have anger issues of/as myself that I need to face and deal with. I also see that within me exists other dimensions of the same anger (that of anger towards myself) like for example, in my memory and imagination of  the process I had to go through to get all my ID cards after losing them in  another time a time in which I also reacted in and as anger towards the event and the whole process of getting the IDs, and now I have to go through the same process and this time, I am again already existing within/as, projecting anger towards this whole process ahead. I played the anger card again when I imagined that I would have lost less cash had I stuck to my plan of buying the face cream before I went shopping. It is clear that I participated within and as other dimensions of anger: thoughts, imaginations, back chats, memories. Back chats of me cursing the thief, cursing the process of getting my IDs back, wishing I could rewind time and watch this not happening just fueled the anger within and as me. From within this, I shall do Self Forgiveness.

Next Blog, Day 31 - ANGER IS TOWARDS SELF: Self Forgiveness

Day 29 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 5

Self Commitment

Negative Energy Dimensions External Changes

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that when I am already experiencing myself as the physical body's behavior of external changes of droopy eyes, slouched shoulders, slower physical movement as slow walking, chin resting on my right/left palm of my hand and yawning, to see realize and understand that I am already halfway into self sabotage for my responsibility to myself within/as writing/blogging/chores and that from this point, if I do not immediately stop myself from participating within/as mind energy in/as thoughts, imaginations, backchats, reactions, I may simply completely/fully submit to/as energy as its much easier to do so and ignore the moments physical reality that I should be facing because I find it 'difficult'.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself from within and as this stage where I become aware that I have already embodied the boredom/apathy energy experiences as the very eternal changes of my physical body of droopy eyes, slouched shoulders, slower physical movement as slow walking, chin resting on my right/left palm of my hand and yawning, to instantly realize and understand that I am not AWARE as the directive principle of myself/my world, of and as the process that is already unfolding/happening/manifesting in my mind with me already physically embodying the energy dimensions of boredom/apathy in and as physical behavior possession.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand that through my participation in/as the laziness character personality where I choose to remain in the negative energy dimension of the mind in and as boredom and apathy, to realize that I am forcing my body into submission of the mind's energy polarities, as my body will embody this energies that I accept and allow and thus become physically unstable/dis eased/discomfort and hence from within this, I commit myself to standing up for myself and stopping participation within/as mind games of energy and directing me within/as self writing/blogging/chores to ensure that I fulfill all my responsibilities of me towards me for me within and as the stability of my physical body.

 

I commit myself to use the 'signs'/physical body feedback that my body shows/reveals to me I any given moment and that I will not ignore these revelations from my body but instead will question myself 'what is it that I am accepting and allowing within me' that has led to my physical body to becoming unstable and what is it that I can/must do to correct/change this instability as myself in and as my physical body back to stability. from within this as well, I commit myself through SELF-WRTITING HERE that I will not accept and allow myself to sabotage myself by using this body revelations/signs/feedback as an excuse to manipulate myself within/as my physical body by rotating in the circle of positive and negative energy experiences of polarity thus remaining in my laziness character personality.

 

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my body indeed mirrors to me through its very physical changes, what I accept and allow within myself like for example when my laziness character activate from within which I accept and allow myself to become the experience of apathy and boredom my body reflects this to me through yawning, droopy eyes, slow walking, slouched shoulders and placing my chin on the palms of my hand.

Positive Energy Dimensions External Changes

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand how it is that from one moment of experiencing negative energy of apathy and boredom that manifested in and as my physical body where I had the external physical changes of , yawning, droopy eyes, slow walking/slow movement, slouched shoulders and placing my chin on the palms of my hand, soon after changed my experience when I then moved/changed to positive energy of excitement/enthusiasm during entertainment and therefore altering my external body's stability to fast physical movement, sitting up more upright/shoulders straight, eyes more open, alert and keen, all this being physical reference of my physical body how I alter my stability in and as the my physical body through my participation in the negative to positive energy polarity.

Negative and Positive Energy External Changes

I commit myself to stop myself from running in the circle of energy polarities whereby I jump from negative to positive energy, whereby within and as negative energy, I accept and allow myself to enter into negative/bad/low experience of myself and so from within this comes the desire of wanting to feel better/lift my energy/feel good and thus end up in engaging myself in activities which provide me a temporary relieve from my low energy experience and escaping/disregarding any activities that I must face within and as self responsibility thus postponing this activities that further facilitate my remaining in the laziness character personality.

 

From within this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that positive energy feelings of strength/fast doing/feeling good are all as a result of accumulation of negative energy whereby, the mind after successfully 'logging' into my body to source for more energy, this successful log in and access sources more energy to fully energize the entire mind consciousness system which the makes the mind stronger and more stable and alert which is the feeling that experience as myself, ENERGY, so from within this, I commit myself to see realize and understand that this energy rush which I experience is actually not a real experience of me because who I am is real within and as the stability of my physical body and that it should be from this stability that I should move and direct myself to face myself as whatever responsibility that need to be faced, I become the directive principle of me/myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see realize and understand how from my participation within boredom and apathy altered my physical body's external stability into droopy eyes, slouched shoulders, slower physical movement as slow walking, chin resting on my right/left palm of my hand and yawning, thus using this changes as an excuse to 'lifting myself' into positive energetic experience of enthusiasm/excitement thus manifesting in my physical body the external behavior/experience of fast physical movement, sitting up more upright/shoulders straight, eyes more open, alert and keen, all this while just manipulating myself into and as energy and the stability of my body there of instead of simply remaining here in and as the stability of my body and simply doing/facing that which need to be done/faced/fulfilled i.e. self writing or daily chores.

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself in always questioning myself what it is that I am accepting and allowing in any given moment that alter the stability of and as my physical body, that I will not disregard the discomfort/dis ease that I subject to my body as myself, and that I will no longer accept and allow myself to see physical discomfort/dis ease/instability as NORMAL because this 'normal' has become the very internal Abuse which is now what I and all of Humanity have accepted and allowed to Be/Become NORMAL LIFE, From within so without.

 

Day 28 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 4

Self Commitments

Negative and Positive Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-Commitments

I commit myself to assist and support myself in establishing a communication relationship with and as my physical body by using it as reference point during moments when it presents/shows to me what I am accepting and allowing within myself in and as it, through and as its physical changes.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand how it is that, when my laziness character personality activate and I experience myself see-sawing between the polarities of negative and positive energy which in turn alter the stability of my physical body i.e. from boredom and apathy whereby my body's stability changed to a feeling of tiredness and sleepiness internally to enthusiasm/excitement where my body will feel a build up of energy in my stomach area which 'explodes'  that lead me to feel energized, strong, alert, awake, to in this moments instantly will myself and physically start doing/facing my tasks/responsibilities and stop my participation in energy which only leads me into self compromise/self sabotage hence remaining in laziness.

I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to see realize and understand that when and I become aware of my physical body changing internally in my STOMACH area i.e. a build up of energy which 'explodes' sending me into and as an experience of 'strength' alertness (to be confirmed in chat with Sunette)

I commit myself to take responsibility of my own life within the realization that what I accept and allow within /as my mind had consequences, consequences that not only affect me personally as an individual but also the entire existence of/as myself, and so from here realize that taking responsibility of myself for myself in not accepting and allowing that which is not best for all in the first place it exists leading to this consequences that are well not best for all. From within this as well, I commit myself to stop abdicating/sabotaging responsibility of myself to me for energy for I see realize and understand that, not taking self responsibility for my acceptance and allowance is what has created and manifested the accumulation of all the consequences in this world, turning it into a place of survival and not living and that an equal money system will assist and support me and all life here to start living instead of surviving.

Next Blog-Day 29 , Negative and Positive Energy Dimensions External Changes Self-Commitments

 

Day 27 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 4

Self Commitments

Negative Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-Commitments 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to when I am faced by responsibilities of me towards me like self writing/blogging, chores etc., that the moment when and as I find myself already feeling tired and sleepy to immediately realize that I am/I have already going/gone too far in my participation within/as my personality within my physical body as I shall have manipulated myself physically through allowing my submission into energy instead of simply breathing and remaining here in/as the stability of my physical body and simply face my responsibilities of me towards me for me.
I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to, when and as I see myself that I have taken my personality possession too far by it now manifesting internally in/as my physical body as tiredness and sleepiness, to from within this see realize and understand that it may become 'more difficult' to stand up from within this laziness personality possession and face my required responsibilities, because in my current relationship of who I am to mind/energy, I have allowed the mind/energy to 'have power' over me/to dominate me/to make decisions for me/to have authority over me/to become the directive principle of my life instead of me directing me as self will, and thus from within this exists the feeling of it 'being difficult' to stand up from and through a point where my laziness personality has taken over. So from within this, I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to participate within and as my possession of laziness to the point of 'no return', by immediately, without a moments hesitation take in a BREATH and in that very moment become alert/awake, physically move myself to the computer and start writing/reading/blogging or take a vacuum and clean the house, for I know myself very well that if I don't physically stabilize and move myself, there will be a high likelihood that I will use the 'its too difficult' feeling as an excuse to manipulate myself into entertaining myself, (which is the positive) as I find it easier and more enjoyable doing so, which is thus the positive energetic experience of me that I jump into to cover or run away from the responsibly that I have to face, and hence from within  this, I give into energy and give up on me so easily. Till Here, No Further.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, during the moments when I face the responsibilities like self writing, chores, Here before me, and notice that physically I am becoming tired and sleepy, that I shall use my body behavior/feeling as a reference to assist and support myself in investigating what it is that I am busy participating within and as through my acceptance and allowance instead of simply remaining here in and as the stability of my body and doing that which needs to be done.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand how I create negative energy experience in my mind like boredom and apathy which I then use to manipulate my experience in/as the physical and thus the very physical itself become tired and sleepy and then again use this very creation of mine of tiredness and sleepiness as an excuse to manipulate myself into going for my want of entertainment to 'feel better' hence remaining in the laziness character and postponing/avoiding taking responsibility for me simply because I prefer the easy way out of positive energy experience of me in and as  entertainment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that, the so called 'I am a last minute person/I work best under pressure' is just the THIN LINE between me standing up for myself as life or giving up on me and giving into energy and hence will no longer use this statement as an excuse to manipulate myself from thought level all the way to physical instability level as this may take me to the point of 'no return' by accepting and allowing the feeling of 'its too difficult' to completely possess me and  use this as an excuse to jump straight into the positive as entertainment as it is easier to do and more enjoyable, thus postponing my tasks and responsibilities which in turn solidifies my laziness character personality.

Positive Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-Commitments

I commit myself to take note of the moments when I am faced by self responsibility in the form of writing/reading etc. and I suddenly feel better mentally and physically about something else in my thoughts, imagination, backchats, reactions, other than the responsibility before me, which then affects the stability of my body in the opposite way like for example, from physical tiredness of boredom and apathy, I jump to feeling physically strong, energetic with a nice feeling of an energetic 'explosion' in my stomach area as a physical reaction/behavior/feeling of enthusiasm/excitement. And thus from within this, I commit myself to in self honesty investigate why it is that I am changing my mental and physical state of being/stability by participating within and the polarities of the positive and negative energetic experiences and the physical instability thereof.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to through self honesty, self forgiveness and these self commitment statements, walk myself out of these polarity games that I keep see-sawing in-between within my mind in relationship reality and to the physical, and to thus take responsibility of my life by becoming my very self directive principle and establish me as the living word and express me in and as the physical reality.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand how I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as my physical body so often to the extent that I do not even realize how within a given moment, from within/as the dimensions of thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions change from negative (apathy and boredom) to positive (enthusiasm), whereby as I experience the positive energy of enthusiasm/excitement, triggered through entertainment, I feel a build up of energy from within my stomach area which 'explodes' when I am in the act of entertaining myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand how I in fact abuse my physical body when/as I participate/give into/submit to energy, and to see realize and understand the 'Hereness' of my physical body, its stability, here breathing, before I participate in/as energy and after my participation within and as apathy/boredom energy, how my physical body immediately change from being stable to being tired and sleepy hence become unstable, dis eased, physical discomfort, all of which I then used as an excuse/justification to jump right into positive energy of enthusiasm which I create through active participation in my thoughts, imaginations backchats and reactions and thus for a moment alter the stability of my physical body again into a build up of energy that erupts when I am fulfilling my want of entertainment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself in seeing, realizing and understanding how I am constantly altering my physical body's stability in and as energy build up and explosion in my stomach area/physically feeling strong and energized, alert, through participation within and my laziness character personality which activate when I am faced by self responsibility, whereby I exist within and as energy experiences of the mind, all the while remaining in separation from and as my physical body, with no connection or consideration whatsoever towards what I am actually putting my physical body through by ' sacrificing' it so that I can fulfill my self interest of energy experience.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to not disregard/ignore the existence of my physical body as myself as a being that is alive, Here and aware of its own existence and thus can feel pain and suffering that I, through participation in as energy bestow upon it and from within this, I commit myself to live in Harmony in/as my physical body through taking responsibility for myself within and as the stability of my body and through stopping my participation within/as mind/energy for this alters the very stability of the physical body and creates discomfort and dis ease, therefore a disharmony.

Next Blog-Day 28 , Negative and Positive Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-Commitments
 

Day 26 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 3

Self Forgiveness Part 2

Negative Energy Dimensions External Changes

 

I forgive myself that haven't accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand how it is that when I participate in and as thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions in and the negative dimension, hence ending up in and as the experiences of apathy and boredom and in turn alter the very stability of my physical body into and as external changes of droopy eyes, slouched shoulders, slower physical movement as slow walking, chin resting on my right/left palm of my hand and yawning.

 

From within this thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in my laziness character personality through active participation in and the negative energy dimensions of the mind whereby I choose to remain in and as negative energetic experiences of boredom and apathy forcing my body into submission of the mind, to become the very physical embodiment of that which I accept and allow thus became physically unstable, rather than standing up for myself and directing me in/through/as self writing and ensuring that I fulfill all other responsibilities of me for me by remaining here in and as the stability of my body.

 

I forgive myself that I haven't  accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how it is that I have so vastly separated myself from my physical body that I do not even question how it is that I have created and manifested the relationship/connection between my mind and my physical body not seeing, realizing and understanding the extent to which I in fact influence/affect it within my accepted and allowed participation of ENERGY from within which my body through its reactions/instability clearly shows me what it is that I am accepting and allowing within a given moment, presenting me an opportunity to change this but instead I Ignore and all this 'signs'/physical feedback and only use them for further self-manipulation as a validations/excuses to justify why it is that I should not face/complete/fulfill my responsibilities/tasks/chores and instead opt for another energetic experience which I will create in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see realize and understand how it is that, my physical body will always reflect/show me that which I accepted and allow through its very physical changes like for example, when my laziness character activate from within which I accept and allow myself to become the experience of apathy and boredom my body reflects this to me through yawning, droopy eyes, slow walking, slouched shoulders and placing my chin on the palms of my hand, which thus indicates that I have in that moment sabotaged myself responsibility and that my body is the reference for this as the real feedback, and thus from within this feedback in a given moment, I can stop myself by breathing and not participating within that which I accepted and allowed to change the experience of me and that of my physical body thereof instead of stabilizing myself and simply facing myself as the tasks/responsibilities before me.

 

Positive Energy Dimensions External Changes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how from my participation within and as enthusiasm/excitement in/as the positive energy dimension manifested within my physical body the positive external experience/behavior of fast physical movement, sitting up more upright/shoulders straight, eyes more open, alert and keen.

 

Negative and Positive Energy External Changes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see realize and understand how from my participation within boredom and apathy altered my physical body's external stability into droopy eyes, slouched shoulders, slower physical movement as slow walking, chin resting on my right/left palm of my hand and yawning, thus using this changes as an excuse to 'lifting myself' into positive energetic experience of enthusiasm/excitement thus manifesting in my physical body the external behavior/experience of fast physical movement, sitting up more upright/shoulders straight, eyes more open, alert and keen, all this while just manipulating myself into and as energy and the stability of my body there of instead of simply remaining here in and as the stability of my body and simply doing/facing that which need to be done/faced/fulfilled i.e. self writing or daily chores.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive and negative energy which I then impose on my body, altering its natural condition/state/stability into dis ease, discomfort all the while never stopping and questioning myself why it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my physical body as myself, disregard the pain and discomfort that I subject the body to and instead cover this pain and discomfort through temporary 'positive experience' of energy again not seeing realizing and understanding that positive energy is just an accumulation of negative energy, a celebration of the mind for having successfully pierced/dug in deeper into the physical body and sourcing enough energy to supply the entire mind consciousness system, allowing it to thrive at the pain/discomfort/di ease of the physical. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow pain, discomfort, dis ease as the norm when it comes to myself as my body while in fact this kind of existence is ABUSE in its very true nature as also this has now been accepted and allowed as 'NORMAL LIFE' in the world today amidst all the horrendous forms of abuse, hence it is my individual and collective responsibility as should be for all, to put an end to the life of existing in polarity as negative and positive energetic experiences by taking self responsibility of actually dealing with the negative that we are instead of 'sugar coating' it with 'positiveness' in and as positive thinking, positive imaginations, positive this or positive that.

 

 

Next blog: Day 27 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION  part 4

 

 

Day 25 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 2

Self Forgiveness - part 1:

Negative Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced by my responsibilities of me/towards me like self writing/blogging, chores, create a relationship with/as my physical body from within and as the dimensions of thought, imaginations, backchats and reactions whereby I ended up participating within and as the negative energetic reactions/experiences of apathy and boredom from mind dimensions that exist in separation from my physical body within which I manifested the negative internal physical experience/change of instant tiredness and sleepiness.

I forgive myself that I haven't seen realized or understood how, through my participation within and as energy, I alter the very substance of my physical body and the entire physical existence hence manipulating/changing/altering the physical body's natural stability and causing dis-ease. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for always believing this to be a normal relationship in and as my physical body, not seeing how I am always busy altering the very naturalness of my physical body when I participate within and as mind energy through the dimensions of my personalities, not realizing how I 'nail my body on the cross' for self interest of always wanting to remain within and as energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create negative energy experience in my mind like boredom and apathy which I then use to manipulate my experience in/as the physical and thus the very physical itself become tired and sleepy and then again use this very creation of mine of tiredness and sleepiness as an excuse to manipulate myself into going for my want of entertainment to 'feel better' hence remaining in the laziness character and postponing/avoiding taking responsibility for me simply because I prefer the easy way out of positive energy experience of me in and as  entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to see realize and understand how it is that, when I am experiencing tiredness and sleepiness in and my physical body to immediately realize that it is almost too late for me stand up from within laziness, as at this point this personality has already possessed me and that standing up from within possession to take responsibility of facing my tasks will be like me FACING/TAKING ACTION FOR MYSELF AS A LAST MINUTE RESORT which is actually why I have comfortably accepted and lived the saying 'I am a last minute person/I work best under pressure' all the while never stopping and questioning and investigating if I can infact efficiently work under pressure as a last minute resort or is this just the 'thin line' between standing up and taking responsibility for me or is it another moment I shall give up on me and give into energy possession..

Positive Energy Dimensions Internal Changes Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as my physical body so often to the extent that I did not even realize how within a given moment had the dimensions of thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions change from negative (apathy and boredom) to positive (enthusiasm), whereby as I was experiencing the positive energy of enthusiasm/excitement, triggered through entertainment, I felt a build up of energy from within my stomach area which 'exploded' when I was in the act of entertaining myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand how I am infact abusing my physical body when and as I participate/give into/submit to energy, because before my participation in/as energy, my physical body was HERE, stable, breathing and after my participation within and as apathy/boredom energy, my physical body immediately changed from being stable to being tired and sleepy hence felt unstable, dis eased, physical discomfort, all of which I then used as an excuse/justification to jump right into positive energy of enthusiasm which I created through active participation in my thoughts, imaginations backchats and reactions and thus for a moment altered the stability of my physical body again into a build up of energy that erupts when I am fulfilling my want of entertainment.

I forgive myself that I haven't seen realized or understood how I am constantly altering my physical body's stability through participation within and as my laziness character personality which activate when I am faced by self responsibility, whereby I exist within and energy experiences of the mind, all the while remaining in separation from and as my physical body, with no connection or consideration whatsoever towards what I am actually putting my physical body through by ' sacrificing' it so that I can fulfill my self interest of energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard/ignore the existence of myself in/as my physical body as a being that is alive, Here and aware of its own existence and thus can feel pain and suffering that I, through participation in as energy bestow upon it and from within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation from/as my physical body through forming an energy relationship with/as my mind.

Negative and Positive Dimensions Internal Changes Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand, how from a moment of stability in/as my physical body as I/it existed when I was face by my tasks/responsibilities towards myself of  writing/blogging/reading or doing house chores drew myself as my awareness to the mind through participation within my laziness character/personality's dimensions of thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions from within which I experienced myself as negative energy and thus altering my physical body's state from stability to a negative dis ease of tiredness and sleepiness which affected my body in a 'negative way'. From here, I moved myself into/as positive experience of myself as enthusiasm/excitement energy whereby I altered my physical body from tiredness and sleepiness to a build up of energy in within my stomach area that exploded once I switched to fulfilling that which my mind wanted, and a rush of strength there of i.e. entertainment hence affecting me/who I am, influencing me/who I am in a positive way,  and thus, just because I/my physical body felt better in that given moment when I was faced by self responsibility, I opted for the 'feeling better' feeling to facing my real physical practical reality and my responsibility within/as it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how what I accepted and allow in my own reality/life as an individual, is exactly what I accept and allow to exist within the whole/bigger picture/the world, whereby I choose to dwell in the positive energetic experiences of my mind simply because it feels good and abdicating/sabotaging the responsibility towards myself and to all life in this world thus perpetuating living conditions of most life here into appalling state by choosing to ignore our own individual responsibility within all that exists here by taking responsibility through physically and practically moving self into doing/acting in a way that supports all life as that which is best for all and not dwell in positive energy experiences of love and light which only feel good but have never yielded any real physical substantial change in this physical world simply because it only exists in the mind and is not real in terms of what this physical world has become through our acceptance and allowance.

Next Blog Day 26 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION  part 3 Self-forgiveness continued.

Day 24 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION part 1

Self Writing:

Negative Energy Dimensions Internal Changes

When I was faced by my responsibilities like self writing, chores etc. which I saw as negative, and so from within and as negative starting point, within and as negative thoughts, negative imaginations, negative backchats came negative reactions of boredom and apathy/lack of interest, where in this moments, inside my physical body, instantly I felt a tiredness and sleepy.

Positive Energy Dimensions Internal Changes

When and as I was participating in enthusiasm/excitement positive energy that manifested in the moments when was/was about to entertain myself through watching TV/movies, surfing the internet etc., inside my body, I felt this build up of energy in my stomach area which 'exploded' just when I was actually in the act of entertaining myself i.e., when I had switched on the TV and was watching the continuation of my favorite series.

Negative Energy Dimensions External Changes

During, within and as the negative energy reactions of boredom, apathy that I participated within and as when I was faced by responsibility of self writing, chores etc. externally, my body's shoulders would slouch, physical movement like walking became slower, my eyes drooped and at times, I would notice that my chin would rest on my right/left had especially during moments of boredom. what I noticed was also yawning.

Positive Energy Dimensions External Changes

the external changes I noticed while participating in positive energetic reactions/experiences within and as excitement/enthusiasm during moments when I was entertaining myself were: I moved faster in and as my physical body, I sat up more straight/straight shoulders and my eyes were more open, alert/keen.

Day 25 - LAZINESS CHARACTER - PHYSICAL DIMENSION  part 2 (Self-Forgiveness)