Day 47: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 5

...continuing with SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF COMMITMENT STATEMENTS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the memory of my aunty comparing me to other children when I was young, saying that I am ugly hence less than/inferior to other children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am within and as the memory of my aunty comparing me to other children saying that I am ugly hence less than/inferior to other children, from within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by a memory/to have who I am be directed by a memory.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to no longer participate in this memory and so whenever I find myself about to participate within and as this memory of my aunty saying that I am ugly hence lees than/inferior to other children, I shall breath and stop myself from participating.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that, who I am is not a defined by memory existent in the past but rather the presence of myself in complete awareness of myself within and as each moment of breath within and as my physical body within and as self-participation in this physical reality.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that whenever I participate in memories, this will be me giving full control of myself to a memory and hence I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to take back the response-ABILITY of myself by becoming the directive principle of my life within and as this physical world to only accept and allow that which supports all life/that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more beautiful than others hence superior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as less beautiful than me hence inferior to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less beautiful than another hence feeling inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as more beautiful than me hence consider them superior to me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see realize and understand that, beauty has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority, that superiority and inferiority when it comes to beauty exists because of separation through comparison where I perceive those who are more or less beautiful compared to me are superior or inferior to me because I have separated myself from others by comparing and judging others tome me which is actually me comparing and judging myself thus separating me from me.

I see that, when I judge myself through comparison, that which I judge and compare myself to and as becomes my point of separation because I see it something that is ‘out there’ separate from me, not seeing realizing and understanding that, that thing ‘out there’ is actually within and as myself and that instead of judging ‘it’, I should accept it as myself and direct it as myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical outlook of myself or of another person as less or more beautiful than what is actually is.

I forgive myself to judge the physical body as less or more than what it is through beauty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through judging myself within/as my physical body as more or less that what it actually is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to COMPARE myself to others through judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to COMPARE others to me through judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEPARATE myself from myself and as another through judgment and comparison.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to whenever I find myself going into judgment and comparison of myself to others in regards to who is more or less beautiful, I shall stop myself, BREATH and will not allow myself to participate within judgments and comparison.

I commit myself to assist and support to always bring my awareness back to the realization that, my physical body is simply physical and its outlook doesn’t change to less or more physicality through judging and comparing it to others as more or less beautiful and that, it is rather within and as my mind that I have come up with all this definitions and perceptions of beauty which I have exerted on my physical body which is simply me deluding myself and separating myself from my physical body. I commit myself to no longer judge and or compare my physical body’s outlook/beauty as more or less that what it actually is; PHYSICALLITY and that I will not accept and allow myself to define myself as more or less important/special that who I actually exist as within and as my physical body.

I commit myself to assist and support to no longer accept and allow myself to connect the word beauty to my physical body’s outlook and beauty doesn’t mean anything when it comes to the existence of me within and as my physical body. I realize that I am HERE in and as my physical body and that beauty, cannot change this fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others by the kinds of clothes they wear whereby I judge those that wear beautiful clothes as better/superior/special compared to those that don’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the kinds of clothes I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the clothes that I wear whereby I say that other clothes are more beautiful than others and thus I feel superior/special, accepted by society as sexy, when wearing beautiful clothes than when I wear ugly ones.

I realize that, the role of clothes is to support the body by ensuring that the body is comfortable at any given moment and that, by me judging myself and others by the kind of clothes they wear connecting beautiful clothes to superiority/specialness/popularity and ugly clothes to inferiority/unimportance/less popular does not and will not change what clothes are and what clothes stand for. Clothes may change in form, texture, color, size etc. but what does not change about clothes is what they stand for, the role they play and hence the one that changes is myself through the opinions, perceptions, judgments, comparisons that I have exerted on clothes giving them a value that is not equal to what they really stand for.

So I commit myself to assist and support myself to breath and stop myself from participating within the definitions, perceptions and judgments I have towards clothes as more or less than what they really are and stand for.

I commit myself to no longer connect beauty to the clothes I wear whereby I give myself or others more or less value that what I/they truly am/are.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to ground myself in and as my physical body as it is the only reality that exist HERE because I realize that, within and as this physical reality HERE exists no such things as judgment, definitions, opinions, perception nor separation, all this stuff only exists in my mind and has no influence on physicality in whatever way unless I accept and allow.

Next Blog: Day 48: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 6

Day 46: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 4

SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF COMMITMENT STATEMENTS continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the negative backchats of Hhhhmmm, this clothes make me look old Or these is too sexy and not mother like Or these make my ass look bigger Or these make me look fat Or these don’t flutter my body type Or these don’t compliment my skin tone to the negative reactions of feeling bad/down/inferior when others don’t like/don’t approve what I wear, herein as well, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect positive backchat of I look perfect in these clothes to the positive reaction feelings of superiority/feeling good/happy/confident about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seesaw between positive and negative energy generated from my mind through backchats whereby I accept and allow myself to participate within and as negative backchats thus experience negative reactions of feeling down/inferior or positive backchats to positive reactions of feeling superior/confident/happy/good about myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to breath and stop myself from participating within negative backchats of Hhhhmmm, this clothes make me look old Or these is too sexy and not mother like Or these make my ass look bigger Or these make me look fat Or these don’t flutter my body type Or these don’t compliment my skin tone for they then further lead me into negative reactions of feeling bad/down/inferior when others don’t like/don’t approve what I wear, from within this as well, I commit myself to assist and support myself to breath and stop myself from participating within positive backchats/internal conversations of I look perfect in these clothes for this may lead me further into the positive reaction feelings of superiority/feeling good/happy/confident about myself, for I realize that, participating within backchats is me living within and as the illusionary reality of my mind and that I can not be fully  here participating/taking responsibility  within and as this physical reality if I participate within and as backchats/internal conversations of and as mind.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop seesawing between positive and negative energies that I create through my participation within and as my backchats/internal conversations/voices in my head that further lead me into experiencing myself as positive or negative energetic feelings for I realize that who I am is not energy but a being that is HERE in and as my physical body, present and aware.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the fear of what others think/say about me is the starting point from within which I base who I am as the image of  beauty and how this idea drives/has shaped who I am within and as this image.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the only one I am fearing is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert the fear I have towards myself within beauty towards my child. Any moment I find myself going into fear of what others may say or think about my child, I shall breath and stop myself from participating within such fear for a realize that I am the one busy judging myself  and my child as well and then exerting this fear as judgment towards others.  I commit myself to assist and support myself to investigate all points of fear in regards to beauty within and as the fear of what others think of me and from here apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my child as more/less beautiful within and as the clothes I dress her in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dress my child from within the starting point of beauty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge beautiful clothes as better than ugly clothes.

Any moment I find myself about to or already participating within judgment of clothes as beautiful or ugly and then use this judgment to form definitions of myself or another as myself e.g. my child as less than or more than who I am as life HERE, I shall breath and stop myself from participating within such judgment.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand that, clothes have nothing to do with beauty or ugly and that, their purpose is to support the physical body within and as clothing it for comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge lighter skin as more beautiful hence better/more valuable than dark skin color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my dark skin color as less beautiful compared to lighter skin color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my child based on her skin color saying that, because her skin color is less light than that of white people, she is inferior to them and that I am inferior to her because I have even darker skin compared to her.

 

I commit myself to whenever I find myself about to judge myself or another as myself based on skin color whereby I judge darker skin color as less beautiful/inferior to lighter skin color which I deem superior, I shall BREATH and stop myself there and then from participating further within this judgment for I realize that, I am already HERE within and as the physical and that my skin color is part of who I am as the physical and is not less or more than who I am HERE equal and one.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my child by comparing myself to her and by comparing her to others and from within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my self-judgments and self-comparisons onto to my child.

I commit myself to assist and support myself in any moment where I am faced with the point of comparison whereby I compare myself to others or compare others to others,  through judging them as more beautiful hence superior or less beautiful hence inferior to me, that I shall immediately breath and stop myself from participating within such comparison for I realize that, it is from such comparison as well that separation exists and competition as well and that, life in equality and oneness cannot exist where there’s separation.

Next Blog: Day 47: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 5

 

Day 45: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 3

SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF COMMITMENT STATEMENTS continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination whereby I imagine myself dressed in certain clothes that I consider sexy so that I can achieve the outcome that I desire which is that of getting ‘good’ compliments from others so that I can feel ‘good’ that others accept and acknowledge the picture that I have presented myself as, within/as beauty, within and as the clothes I wear. From within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to design a picture of myself that I regard as beauty so that I can manipulate the desired result that I would like to receive from my environment, which is my desire to get good compliments and be accepted by others as beautiful and sexy.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop using my imagination to design a certain picture of myself that I want to present to the world so that I can manipulate others as my environment to help me fulfill my desire of being complimented and accepted by them for I realize that, my desire to be complimented and accepted by others is because I have not accepted myself as the totality of who I am and that I do not need compliments from others in order to be here.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Breath and stop myself from participating within imagination whereby I create certain images of myself that are not real, whenever I am faced with a moment where I have to dress myself in certain clothes.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, when I am choosing what clothes to wear, only consider that what is real in my physical reality e.g. weather and how my clothes will affect my body i.e. If the clothes will or will not support my body as who I am, or to dress myself appropriately according to a given circumstance/situation in certain moments e.g. job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard/ignore me/run away/hide from myself, separate myself from myself and thus end up seeking attention/acceptance/approval from others e.g. in terms of compliments.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to no longer disregard/ignore/runaway/hide from myself for this is separating myself from myself for I realize that this separation is the reason why I seek acceptance/attention/approval of others (through compliments) outside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further sink into the beauty game through BACKCHATS/INTERNAL CONVERSATIONS like Hhhhmmm, this clothes make me look old Or these is too sexy and not mother like Or these make my ass look bigger Or these make me look fat Or these don’t flutter my body type Or these don’t compliment my skin tone or I look perfect in these etc.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, when I become aware of myself about to already participating within and as back chats like; like Hhhhmmm, this clothes make me look old Or these is too sexy and not mother like Or these make my ass look bigger Or these make me look fat Or these don’t flutter my body type Or these don’t compliment my skin tone or I look perfect in these etc., I shall breath and stop myself from participating within such back chats/internal conversations for I realize that all these backchats are just me judging myself  and worrying about what others will say about the clothes I wear. I also realize that, how I dress should not be to impress others but rather it should be for comfort and or as self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further enter into reactions of feelings of superiority/feeling good/happy/confident when I find something  that I like to wear, or feeling bad/down/inferior, not good enough if I happen to wear something which is later on not liked by others.

I commit myself to stop entering into reactions as feelings of superiority/feeling good/happy/confident when I find something that I like to wear, or feeling bad/down/inferior, not good enough if I happen to wear something which is later on not liked by others, when I am faced with the momentary action of wearing clothes or choosing clothes to wear. If and when I find myself reacting, I shall breathe and stop myself from participating within such reactions.

Next Blog: Day 46: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 4 continued....
 

Day 44: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 2

SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as beauty within and as the polarity of beautiful and ugly. I commit myself to breath and stop myself from defining beauty within the polarity of beautiful and ugly for I realize that polarity is a means by which the mind uses to generate energy for its survival, from within this as well, I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop participating in production of mind energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the clothes I wear to beauty. I commit myself to, any moment I find myself connecting beauty to the clothes; I shall breathe and stop myself from participating. I commit myself to assist and support myself to use clothes for the purpose of comfort and not beauty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as beauty within/as the THOUGHT of how I would look like in the clothes I wear. I commit myself to assist and support myself to, any moment when I become aware that I am or I am about to start participating within and as the thought of how I will look like in certain clothes before I even wear then, I shall breath and stop myself from participating within such thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to DEFINE beauty within and as the makeup I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define beauty within and as the shoes I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define beauty within the food I eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define beauty within and as the clothes I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from beauty by defining beauty within and as something/someone separate from me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop participating within the definition of beauty within and as the makeup I wear, the shoes I wear, the food I eat and the clothes I wear.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand that, when I am defining beauty within and as someone or something separate from myself, I am actually making a statement that I am separate from that something or someone as myself and hence from within this, I commit myself to stop participating within beauty as separation/something or someone separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to IMAGINE what other people think of me/see me in and as the clothes I wear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how others will give me ‘good’ compliments, thus showing/indicating that they accept and acknowledge the picture of myself as the beauty I present to them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reason why I imagine altering my physical outlook to ‘look beautiful’ is because I haven’t accepted myself for and as who I am and that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/view myself as an ugly person.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that, the reason I strive to present myself as beautiful in the eyes of others is because I am seeking their acceptance and approval of me because I haven’t accepted myself as who I am in totality.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to, whenever I am aware that I am about to or I am already imagining what other people think of me/see me in and as the clothes I wear or the imagination of how others will give me ‘good’ compliments because they approve/accept my beauty picture presentation to them, I SHALL BREATH and STOP myself from participating within such imagination for I realize that, imagination is a tool the mind utilizes to harness energy from the physical bod for its survival.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop altering/changing my physical outlook so that I can be accepted as normal and beautiful and complimented by others for I realize that, the reason why I seek acceptance by others outside myself is because I have not accepted who I within and as my physical body; my skin color, my skin, my shape, my size my height, my face etc. and that if I should alter anything, I shall do it as self-expression in and as the directive principle taking into consideration all the aspects of myself to accept and allow only that which supports my physical body both internally and externally, I commit myself to not again accept and allow myself to change alter my physical body to please other or so that I can be accepted and complimented by others as a beautiful person, NO.

Next Blog: Day 45: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 3

Day 43: THE 'I' OF BEAUTY - Part 1

The other day, as I was preparing myself and my daughter to go out for a walk, it took me quite some time to ‘find’ something to wear. This is because I kept asking myself; do I look good in this outfit? First, I would think of what to wear and think of how I would look in what I will wear. Then I would go into the imagination of how will other people see me in this clothes, I would imagine them complimenting me or looking at me. Then I’d put the clothes on, go to the mirror and check myself out and I would have these internal conversations/backchats:

·         Hhhhmmm, this makes me look old,

·         Or these is too sexy and not mother like,

·         Or these makes my ass look bigger

·         Or these makes me look fat

·         Or these don’t flutter my body type

·         Or these don’t compliment my skin tone

·         This I look perfect in these etc.

And finally, after finding something that I ‘liked’, I went on to dress the baby, and with her, I also would dress her while thinking if she looks good in the clothes, thoughts like:

·         Does she look more beautiful?

·         Do the clothes make her look darker/lighter?

These we the main point I considered while dressing the baby. All this thoughts in my mind were because I feared not looking good/presentable/beautiful in the eyes of other people and so I made such a big effort to alter my physical outlook so that I can fit in as this perfect picture presentation for others. And now, I am even projecting my beauty fears to my child by doing the same exact things to her that I do to me. Not seeing realizing or understanding how it is that I am already in the process of programming this fear into the child and she will also become and live this very same fear.

Waay back when I was a child, I had this aunty who used to compare me and my siblings with other children. She would say that we are children that come from Bochura the village of thieves and that other children from other villages were better than us. From this memory, already comparison had settled in me and as a grew older, I started comparing other people by judging them as less or more than me. The ones that seemed better than me in whatever way, I competed with them so as to ‘outshine/beat’ them and the ones that seemed less than me, gave me a sense of security in who I was as EGO/self-interest, gave me the feeling/satisfaction of my superiority over them.

The definition of who I am as beauty sprang from this source where I compare myself to others by judging them as more or less than me. And so this drives/propels me to this point of competition.  I am competing with others for the spotlight of the most beautiful. I compete with others for the spotlight of ‘good compliments’ for they make me feel good about myself and further reinforce the need/desire for me to always staying in the competition so as to maintain my position in the spotlight. And since what others think and say about me is important to enhance or diminish my position of beauty in the spotlight, I ensure that the starting point of that which I do in order to present a picture perfect illusion of myself is to be noticed/fit in/approved/liked/deemed as normal by others/by society like for example wearing sexy clothes that flatter my figure, wearing makeup.

Another point which is obvious in how I perceive beauty to be as who I am is in regards to sex. Apparently, I just like many other women use beauty to lure men to have sex with me or make men desire to have sex with me. This I, just like many other women do this through clothes and makeup whereby, I dress myself in such a way that a man will find me beautiful/attractive and will want to have sex with me or be in a relationship with me. This is utter manipulation where I use beauty to lure men into fulfilling my self-interest ways/EGO through forming a relationship of and or sex with men. So I just like many other women are participating in our current beauty system presentation/manifestation where we compete with each other to outshine each other in picture presenting me/us to men for a relationship or sex or both.

Another point is how the media; TV shows, the fashion world of catwalk couture models, magazines and newspapers, has contributed extensively to shaping my world of beauty whereby, I, just like many other women compare myself to the skinny pretty women on TV, magazines, advertisements and judge myself all as less than them by wanting to look like them i.e., want to lose weight and look like them or be able to fit in tight small skimpy clothes so that I can look appealing/attractive to others especially. Thus showing the reality of myself within and as the current manifested beauty society where I, just like many other women, have become a commodity through the very ways I compete with other women by altering my physical outlook to embody the beauty picture which is really like advertising myself as a commodity of beauty in the market of beauty. And how do I get the satisfaction that I have sold myself and someone has bought me? Through their/others approval of me, accepting me,  getting the men to desire me for sex and women to be jealous of me for outshining them or I get jealous when others outshine me in beauty and hence will compete even harder so I don’t feel left out/the outcast/ugly one etc. and what is all this? FEAR! Fear of whom? FEAR OF MYSELF.

As a parent, like many other parents, I am busy projecting this fear to my child, so that they can also fear themselves. I never wanted to see how it is that I am responsible for instilling this fear in my child, how SELFISH of me as a parent? How selfish of us as parents to do this to our children? What’s even worse is that we choose not to see how it is exactly that we do this while it is right in front of our eyes, as daily routine, so clear, but we choose to remain blind by playing by the rules as this is what we accept and allow as normal. Is fear normal? NO

I have several more DIMENSIONS of beauty to write about. I shall do this as I unfold/untangle myself from within and as the beauty system. Walk with for more.

Day 44-SELF FORGIVENESS AND SELF COMMITMENT STATEMENTS: Part 2

Day 42: DRIVING IS SEXY - Part 2

Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements Continued:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of myself as life within and as the feeling of happiness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that happiness is a way that the mind uses to resource energy from the physical body for its own survival and that when I experience myself as happiness/when I feel happy, it is because I accept and allow myself to participate within this process whereby the mind resources energy from the physical body in the form of happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the mind resource energy from within and as my physical body through my participation in and as a happy moment/happiness and thus making the physical body unstable/dis eased.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand how I as my mind use happiness as an energy source for survival and that when I do this,, the one that suffer is I as my physical body because in reality, I don’t need happiness energy feeling so that I can be HERE, I am already HERE in and as the stability of my physical body and so happiness only serves self-interest of and as the mind consciousness system, interest of energy.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop altering the stability of and as my physical body through my participation in the process (thoughts, imaginations, backchats, reactions, consequences) from within which the mind resource happiness energy from my physical body thus altering its very stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to alter the state of my physical body from stability to instability through happiness from within which I experienced my body internally change as a rush of warmth from my solar plexus area to my chest area, making my chest rhythmically expand and contract.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to externally alter the stability of my physical body through happiness from within which I as my body became jumpy, walked faster, smiled a lot and laughed.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize and understand how I accept and allow myself to separate myself from and as my physical body so often to the extent that I do not even realize how within a given moment, from within/as the dimensions of thoughts, imaginations, backchats and reactions of HAPPINESS alter the stability of my physical body, internally as a rush of warmth from my solar plexus area to my chest area, making my chest rhythmically expand and contract and externally when I became jumpy, walk faster, smile a lot and laugh and the tonality of my voice become louder.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to not disregard/ignore the existence of my physical body as myself as a being that is alive, Here and aware of its own existence and thus can feel pain and suffering that I, through participation in as energy e.g. Happiness bestow upon it and from within this, I commit myself to live in harmony in/as my physical body through taking responsibility for myself from  within and as the stability of my body and through stopping my participation within/as mind/energy, happiness, for this alters the very stability of the physical body and creates discomfort and dis ease, therefore dis-harmony

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for happiness outside myself thus separating myself from happiness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that separating myself from happiness indicates to me that I don’t have happiness hence I am not happy with myself and so instead of looking for happiness ‘out there’ within someone or something, I should investigate the reason why I am not happy with myself and change that which I am not happy with always from within and as the starting point of what’s best for all.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-honesty, write self-forgiveness and self-correction to realize and express myself as the joy of life within oneness and equality, joy as a statement/principle/the presence of who I am as life, constant, stable presence, here as every breath.

Day 41: DRIVING IS SEXY - Part 1

Self Writing

The other day as I escorted someone/partner to go for a test drive, I was overly excited happy just seeing (Thought) him behind the wheel of a car. As we all walked to the driving test school, I was already thinking of seeing him drive away as I had never seen him drive before. I imagined us all going for a nice long drive in a nice convertible car on a hot summer day, I imagined the kind of car I would like us to buy/drive. This made me feel very happy. I had backchats like ‘hhhmmm, driving is sexy. This made me react in even more happiness. Physically, I felt this warm feeling that vibrated my body from my stomach area, chest rhythmically expanded and contracted, smile on my face and laughter. I was also a bit ‘jumpy’ and walked a bit faster as I anticipated arriving at the school faster so that I can see him behind the wheel looking sexy as he drove off. This is not the first time I gone through the whole of this process of generating happiness from the thought of seeing my partner drive and considering it as sexy.

Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the feeling of happiness.

I realize that that if I exist within and as the feeling of happiness, I am only limiting myself to exist as just energy and energy is not real thus I am not real within happiness as well thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop myself from limiting myself within and as the energetic feeling of happiness/excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the feeling of happiness/excitement.

Any moment I become aware of myself about to participate or already participating in happiness/excitement feelings, I shall breathe and stop myself from any participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as the feeling of happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that happiness exists.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that happiness only exists because sadness exists.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop participating within and as the polarity of happiness and sadness and so, any moment I find myself see-sawing between the energies of happiness and sadness, I shall breath and immediately stop myself from participating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define happiness within the thought of seeing my partner behind the wheel of a car i.e. about to drive a car.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate/connect driving a car to sex thus generating happy feelings juts by thinking of having sex in a car.

I commit myself to, any moment I find myself about to participate or already participating within thoughts that lead me to generate the feeling of happiness/excitement like for example the thought of seeing my partner behind the wheel of a car i.e. about to drive a car or associating driving a car to sex, I shall BREATH and stop myself from participating and from within and as breath, bring myself back to the physical reality of whatever it is that I am physically doing in a given moment for this is what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define happiness within and as the imagination of seeing my family and I going for a long drive in a nice convertible car on a hot summer day and the imagination of the kind of car I would like to buy/drive.

I commit myself to BREATH and stop myself from participating in any kind of imagination from within which I react in/manifest happiness feelings. I commit myself to breathe and stop myself from participating within the imagination of seeing my family and I going for a long drive in a nice convertible car on a hot summer day and the imagination of the kind of car I would like to buy/drive for I realize that through these imaginations, I end up ‘being’ happy and my awareness of the moment is disrupted for I stop actively participating in my physical reality in awareness and shift my awareness into and my mind in the form of imagination and thus generate happiness which is not real but rather it’s a product of my imagination, and in this context, I separate myself from happiness as I define/base my happiness outside myself in, ‘out there’ within imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, from imagining myself going for a long drive in a nice convertible car on a hot summer day and the imagination of the kind of can I would like to buy/drive went into the backchat/internal conversations of ‘hhmmm driving is sexy’, which further prolonged/reinforced the experience of myself within and as happiness.

I commit myself to whenever I find myself about to participate or already participating within backchats that make me fall into happiness like ‘hmmm, driving is sexy’, I shall BREATH and STOP myself from participating within these backchats, for I realize that these backchats only further reinforce the experience of myself as energy in the form of happiness whereby I end up losing touch with reality of myself within and as my physical body in this physical world.

Next Blog: Day 42: DRIVING IS SEXY - Part 2